You did this once, I remember -
So don’t try to tell me. Okay,
Perhaps not exactly what I did
Just now
(it looked really good. I saw it
in slow motion. Her big fat
mouth turning up, sneering.)
But I definitely remember you
Throwing some cold, wet thing
At me. Don’t try to tell me
I lost control,
(my wrist flicked forward and
everything just flew out of the glass
in one go, so fast)
Because I went out, picked up
That glass with intention
Full blown in me.
It was pre-meditated.
(as if there was a hot tunnel
of furnace air, blowing it all
at her; angry. Hate)
It was one of those things:
You see yourself doing it,
You think of it, but always say,
No, I couldn’t. Shouldn’t.
dissolving into joy, then a strange
emptiness. Her hand to her head,
her first words, My hair.)
If I did it, does that make me
Ashamed? No. Pity – you
Always see impulse, spontaneity
As a fault. I could say
(Water dripping off her. I saw
her face and it was changed. So
I did good. But I should say)
Nothing ever ends. Nothing ever ends.
(1988)
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